Depressing wet New Year's Eve

Sudden downpour of heavy rain at about 11pm... sian. Been trying to complete the assignment since 8pm. Actually, got woken up by my parents to webcam at 8am after only having slept for three hours. Since I was fully awake by the time we finished talking, I tried to do the assignment but after a mere thirty minutes I started nodding off in front of the computer.

In an attempt to wake myself up, I went to the kitchen for some fruits. But another half an hour later, I started dozing off again. My head snapped up periodically, and after adding a couple of notes or listening to the masterpiece shitty piece again I'll be nodding off. Somehow I just couldn't shake off the sleep.

At 2pm I joined NH for lunch in the kitchen, pooling our dwindling foodstuffs together to create a really weird meal of fish fingers sandwiches for him and a turkey ham sandwich for me (non-halal ham)... and curly fries too. Just as we were finishing lunch and I was thinking I could maybe now keep awake long enough to do some work, MH came by. And both NH and I stayed in the kitchen chatting with her, until about 5pm when MH decided to go home for a while before coming back to join XH for dinner.

XH had invited me for dinner too, but once MH left I tried to start work again... only to fall asleep, like really asleep kind of asleep (what's wrong with me man!). Only woke up at 8pm and by then I was feeling really dreadful that I hadn't done much. Think someone did knock on my door while I was asleep and probably saw me sleeping when they opened it, but by the time I woke up I decided not to join them for dinner.

Work I did, though it's a very slow time-consuming process for me (I'm not like those who can just churn out lots of good stuff in an instant, too bad). I also got to enjoy some fireworks courtesy of some rich people staying somewhere up the street. Hmm but I think fireworks are not as expensive here though, because it's so popular during festive days and I always here them whenever it's some important occasion.

So far, I've only managed to hit the 2-minute mark (three-quarters of which were already completed before today), and that's out of a 6-8 minute piece I gotta write. So that boils down to what, half a minute written after three hours of work? Long way to go... although I think I'll just stay up all night and bury my head in there. If I just finish this assignment by tomorrow, I will definitely not be as stressed next week. Just gonna take a nice warm shower (no heater after midnight... brrrrr), and maybe cook something quick.

Slacking and pigging out

NH just called to say his plane has touched down in UK and he'll reach home by about 3am. Back to my smelly mouldy room then... *sob*

Despite promising myself to finish at least the assignment this week, I'm really ashamed to announce that I haven't done much over the past few days. The only thing I was hardworking about was practising, which is good in a way... but once I get home I have the tendency to slack. I'd much rather browse blogs, watch the movies I have on the external hard disk over and over again, do anything but work. Sigh.

I did try very hard last night, but after listening to what I've already written, I will just be sian ji pua and not only don't feel like doing work, but also feel like deleting everything I'd written! And after listening to it over and over again in an attempt to maybe hope a bulb will light up somewhere... I was ready to give it up. So I moved on to watching a video of the opera which I've chosen to do for one of the essays. Fortunately I managed to find its score in the central library, otherwise I really wouldn't have been able to do anything except watch it.

I hate essays and assignments!!!! I'd much rather have more practical stuff even though I'm scared to death of them, and can really screw up. But since I don't ever get tired of practising, and at least it's just... go up there, do your stuff, and it's over. Much better than doing essays when you have to mull over it, do lots of research and reading, and finally force yourself to stare at the computer for days on end. (Ok, I know watching movies is also staring at the computer.) Just to come up with rubbish that many people have already written about. I do like reading and learning all the academical things, just not plaigarising summarising paraphrasing trying to express the same opinion as others have done in their books. Give me practical stuff any day.

It's also not helping much that I have a very guilty conscience because I suddenly got a monstrous appetite. Think it's because of the sudden jump to colder-than-before temperatures. But that's no excuse! I don't wanna become as fat as I became at the end of last year again! Look what I had for dinner for the past three days:










Thursday: devoured half a duck by myself (was really craving for Peking duck for unknown crazy reasons so I bought it at Aldi, sold frozen, together with the wrapper thingy and sauce). As if this was not enough, I munched on a whole packet of popcorn that was about probably medium-sized as sold in cinemas. Oh the horrors!










Friday: had lamb shank in rosemary and mint sauce (also bought frozen from Aldi). Then I moved on to peanut glutinous rice balls in water with brown sugar (what a great comfort to eat this and listen to the wind howling!) Also ate three small packets of Cheese Curls (light potato and maize snack that's cheese flavoured, very addictive) after that.










Today: ate two pieces of southern fried chicken (again, bought frozen from Aldi), with a mountain of fries drizzled with melted cheese. No picture, because I wolfed down the whole thing before I remembered that I should capture a picture to remind me of all the fats I've just consumed. And then peanut glutinous rice balls again (bought frozen from a shop in china town, same brand as the one in Singapore!), this time in soya milk.

Oh, the sinful convenience of frozen food. Buy it, keep it for as long as you want, and when you're craving for it, take it out, bang it in the oven, and half an hour later it's ready. No fuss. But also unhealthy.

I think it's just a once-in-a-long-time thing, cos right now I'm feeling too sick of such rich food and am ready to eat like I normally do once again. Just hope it will last for some time before I start craving for something more fattening. And then, I will attack the pizzas still lying in the freezer *cackles*.

Boxing Day sales

Went to the city centre for Boxing Day sales! Was pleasantly surprised by a late-night sms from HN yesterday asking if I wanted to join him and his housemates. It's good I did, or I might have been quite put off by the crowds if I went alone. Shopping alone usually means that I walk into stores that are not too crowded, and run home as fast as I can right after I've bought whatever I wanted to buy.

And because his housemates have the Singaporean kiasu spirit (they're Malaysians), I was supposed to meet HN at 8.20am at their student accommodation. Was there only five minutes early but the girls were all not ready so I could have taken my time to walk there! We shared a cab since the trains are not running on Boxing Day.

It's quite amusing to note that the majority of early-arrivers were not British. But eventually, there was quite a crowd of British people waiting in front of River Island, even though other stores were already open. Can see that River Island is very popular here.

Got a pair of jeans from the first shop we went to, Gap, for £19.99:










That was before the large crowd in front of River Island formed. We also went to Zara, Miss Selfridges and Topshop, but I didn't buy things from there. Either not the kind of clothes I would normally wear, or really nice jeans at really nice non-discounted prices. T_T Ok lar, to be fair, there were many nice tops I could have gone crazy over, but... I dunno, just thought I'd rather not go through the hassle of trying and then in the end decide not to buy, or only buy one.

Because the girls took so long in Topshop, HN and I decided to go to River Island, which was just next door. And was probably one of the most crowded shops (didn't step into Monsoon though, and I saw quite a lot of people in there). Found a pair of shoes I liked, but also found out that the queue was hell of a long one snaking through the store. Queued for half an hour. Just to get a pair of simple-looking shoes. That wasn't exactly cheap either. Haha but better than HN by a bit, he did the same in the men's department, except that his pair of shoes costs twice of mine.

Shoes from River Island, for £24.99:










Found out when I got home that the shoes are too big! *Horrors* Before I saw this pair, I tried on another pair, and so stupidly thought that the size should be the same and decided to buy this one without trying it first. Oh well, at least the receipt says I can return it for refund or exchange, just not within 26-28 December. Hopefully they will still have my size after 28th... if not, then ok lor, refund. Not like I would wear such shoes in UK much (too pretty to spoil by walking on such muddy roads). Just that it would be nice for once to have a pair of black shoes to wear for concerts that does not also bleed my heels to death. Also, important to have comfy black shoes for my own performance assessment!

After River Island, HN and I were basically very much done with shopping. Went to Body Shop to meet up with the girls and everyone bought stuff together in order to use HN's card. And then we split up, since the girls were still not done shopping. HN and I had a good break, and a filling one too... Krispy Kremes! Getting bored of sitting and chatting, we decided to browse around again, and on our last stop at Music Junction, we got some really good steals of two-CD sets for £2.97 each. Since we couldn't decide which sets to get, we finally settled on four and each got two, and we can exchange them later.

Although I've known this for as long as I dunno, many years?, one little incident really reiterated it in my mind: HN was complaining that owning too many pairs of shoes is troublesome cos he has to decide which pair to wear everyday, and then he said he usually makes his decisions based on what he's wearing.
Me: Haha that's such a girly thing to do.
HN: Ya, I know! Maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend.
Me: Oh, so it's the opposite for me? I don't have enough handbags and shoes so I don't have a boyfriend. (All of us were chatting while waiting for the shops to open, and it seems I have even lesser pairs of shoes than HN.)
HN: Ya! You don't even have ear holes! What happens if your boyfriend buys ear rings?
Me: ... I dunno... ???? Consider piercing? (Which boyfriend would buy ear rings when he knows the girl doesn't have ear holes?! Or maybe they would, I dunno?)
HN: Clip-ons... (haha previously when he found out I didn't have ear holes we were joking about how the mention of clip-ons just brings to mind 'old-fashioned')

Ya lar, ya lar, so I'm not very girly... nothing wrong lor. Not that I don't like to look nice, just that I prefer the not-too-dressed-up kind of nice mah. And my mother didn't bring me to pierce my ears when I was a kid, so I grew up without having the urge to wear pretty ear rings nor pierce my ears. Heck, I don't even bother wearing any accessories apart from the once-in-a-very-blue-moon necklaces. And I'm a sucker for jeans, but girls don't have to wear dresses to look nice ok. Also, one nice pair of shoes can be worn many times, so what's the point of buying so many pairs? Haiyah... but ya I know, I'm not a girly girl.

Living out of a suitcase

Sort of. The mould in my room has been back for quite some time and it's beginning to spread in a disgusting pattern on the wall. The landlord said he'll arrange for someone to dismantle the whole wall, clean and dry the plaster, before putting it back again. Not sure how that's done.

So since NH is having a romantic Christmas with his girlfriend in Phillipines, he has kindly offered me boarding space in his room. Which is so much bigger than mine but is also very messy, and with both his and my indoor clothes airers taking up quite a lot of space. And I can't use his cupboard so the only thing I can do is pile up the stuff in my suitcase. And some on one of the airers. (The other one is for drying clothes.)

I'm turning his room into some sort of laundromat as well, because when I moved my clothes out of my cupboard, I was unpleasantly surprised by mould growing in the innermost, darkest corner. It was nauseating... and even more horrific to find out that some of my clothes were contaminated with mould too. I just stood there staring at the clothes, not knowing what to do with them. Some I could throw since I've never even worn them this year, but others... well, I think I will wear them, just not so often. So lots of clothes went into the washing machine (with a generous dosage of washing powder!), and thankfully NH's room is big enough to accomodate two airers. Mine is too small and once I open up my airer, I just have about enough floor space for three persons to stand still doing nothing. And that's after they squeeze into the room so that the door can be closed.

But despite the hassle of having to move my stuff (don't get me started on moving, I hope I'm not going to find new housemates or a new house next year), I'm enjoying NH's room. Because when YR moved out, our previous internet line went with him so NH had to sign for a new line. Which, thanks to the way internet companies work here, was only activated (modem delivered on the same day) after NH left for Phillipines. And somehow we couldn't configure the router which YR is lending us until NH buys a new one on his trip back here via Singapore, not even when we asked two other computer science students to come over and try. Apparently it's different from what they do in Singapore.

Which all boils down to one thing: I can use the modem in NH's room!

It's worth it to live out of a suitcase just for the sake of having internet connection. And a nice comfy bed on which I can sleep right next to the wall, toss and turn, without having that subconscious knowledge that I'm sleeping next to mould. Yea, I did move the bed away from the wall but there's only that much I can move it due to space constraint. And I've been sleeping as far out and as close to the edge of the bed as possible... for the past few months. It's become a habit. I've never actually touched the mouldy wall and neither has my duvet moved in that direction.

I just hope the person fixes the room soon, before NH comes back on 29 December, then how? I don't want to sleep sofa leh...

Sick x_x

Was having very sore shoulders and aching back last evening but I dismissed it as muscle aches from having such a long practice session after slacking too much.

It turned out to be the kind of body aches before the onset of fever. Spent the whole night in a semi-state of wakefulness, feeling very terrible and wanting to get up to get a panadol and wet towel but never actually managing it because the next moment I'd be asleep. And the cycle keeps repeating. It was only about 6am when I finally became quite awake and was contemplating getting a panadol, but decided against it because then I wouldn't be able to wake up to webcam with my parents.

And weirdly enough, I fell asleep! Until they had to call me three times before I actually heard the handphone ringing. Needless to say, I was feeling quite awful but I tried to be normal on the webcam. Didn't want them to know I was sick because it would feel terrible knowing I was ill but not being able to do anything to help. (Yes I am quite stubborn that way.)

After that I sms-ed one of the Singaporeans to tell them I wouldn't be joining them for the christmas party tonight, took panadol, got a wet towel, and went back to sleep. And sleep was pretty much what I did for the whole day. It was such bliss to sleep without being waken up by all that aching. Most of which were gone by evening, when my mind was clear once again.

What a silent Christmas.

German chocolate loot

Woke up early for the first time during the holidays and went to uni to do some practising. I loved the feeling of satisfaction after spending a good three hours working on things. At the very least, it sort of made up a bit for the guiltiness I had been feeling for not doing any work ever since the start of holidays.

I then took a train to the city centre, because when I had visited the central library yesterday I hadn't looked up some things. And it's my only source of information right now, since I had procrastinated doing work and going to the library so much that when I finally got my lazy bum out of the house on Friday, I found out (to my very great dismay and guilt) that the music library and the resource library were closed from Friday. Serves me right for lazing my Thursday afternoon away, thinking I could always go to the library on Friday. And both libraries are only going to be open on 3 Jan, a short twelve days before my three essays are due. Also, I'll be working for the whole week starting 2 Jan, 9am-4pm, so I might not even have twelve days to do work. Argh I really hated myself so much (I still do, but not much use crying over spilt milk now).

Anyway, so I went back to the central library this afternoon and sat down with some reference books. Also found some other useful books, but in the end, I'm still going to have to wait till the music library opens because the central library just doesn't the score for the essay topic I've chosen. I'll just try to do the most I can in the mean time though.

I rewarded myself for doing so much work coming down to the library even though I initially wanted to go home after practising due to the cold (thinking I'd probably not find anything useful anyway), by getting myself some chocolates from the Christmas market. It was the last day the market was open, so quite a number of stalls were having discounts. I got a buy-one-get-one-free bag of chocolate peanut clusters for £3, and two I-dunno-what-it's-called chocolate thingys (previously recommended by HN) for £1. I'm going to save the chocolates for when I start doing the essays.

Random musings

It's so ironic that I'm having a social life again because of work. Although I now have less time to spend with friends, I've also found a new bunch of friends at work to go out with. I guess that's the good thing about working with other students.

Last night four of us had planned to go to the movies, but HD didn't turn up in the end. We still had a blast though, because AN and HN are such fun people to hang out with.

This afternoon three of us planned to go jalan jalan in the city centre where the christmas market is going on. But AL didn't reply my SMS-es nor did she pick up my calls so only HN and I ended up going instead. Haha just what I've been dreaming of, spending time with him. But I've already convinced myself that we are just friends and I shouldn't be expecting anything more than that. So I had a great time without feeling awkward or trying too hard to be nice.

However, lurking in the back of my head there's still a list keeping track of all the nice things he's done. Like when we're clearing up after work and he helps set up the cafe (my job) while the rest, including me, are doing the dishes. He insists that he hates doing the dishes, which might be a reasonable explanation. And buying the coffee yesterday, paying for part of my movie ticket (by giving me more change), treating me to food at the market today, paying for my little souvenir together with his (and then declining when I said I didn't have small change to pay him back). Little things that can be explained away with other reasons.

Or one night just before opening time when AL said it might be busy because she'd seen people peering in while we were setting up. And HN said the people might have been looking at the pretty girls inside. Which everyone laughed off, including me. But at the same time I also wondered if that was his way to casually drop me a compliment. I'm pretty sure if it was meant to be a compliment it wouldn't be for AL, not being mean or anything but she's about twelve years older than us. And yet it could just have been one of the many jokes we crack during work :/

That's the bad thing... one part just wants to daydream and imagine all sorts of possibilities, yet the sensible part is triggering alarms and telling me it's going to be a stupid infatuation so I should stop daydreaming! Argh. I hate being female. Or, maybe, I just hate the daydreaming part of me that makes everything so rosy...

I gotta go. Need to repeat 'We are just friends' to myself hundred times.

How do I freeze time?

Had lots of fun with two of the chefs, AN and HN, tonight. We went for a movie and then dinner.

Life is such a funny thing sometimes. While I'm now enjoying great friendships with both, my first impressions of them were rather negative. I thought AN was the sort who was 'I'm too cool for anyone', but by half of the first evening I worked in the restaurant, I already saw the real AN, who is cool in his own way. Not the 'act cool' kind of cool, but he really makes people like him because he is so honest, frank, sarcastic, funny, but at the same time never hurts anyone he's joking about. That's one person I wouldn't mind (and so far I haven't minded) making fun of me, because I will end up laughing with everyone about it. HN struck me as a dao kia at first. He seemed a little too serious and bossy the first time I worked with him. Only when the restaurant was closed and we were doing the dishes did he start being really friendly and joke-y.

And oddly enough, thinking about the friends I've now gained from working in the restaurant makes me feel so bittersweet. When I'm with them and thinking about all the fun times we've had so far, I just can't help smiling and laughing. But in the end I know we're still going to drift apart once we graduate, mainly because we all come from different countries, which makes me hurt so much. Sometimes I really wish time could freeze and I could remain here forever. It's the same about the Singaporean friends I've made here, whom I've never known in Singapore but have become close to here. Ultimately we're still all going to be doing our own things, living our own lives, with nothing to hold us together except the shared memories of our uni days. It's really sad.

I know, people come and people go, but we can still treasure the footprints they left, right? But I'm really selfish. If there was one thing I could change about the way the world works, I would change it so that friends can stay together always.

End of autumn term

Start of the much awaited for one-month hols!

Not that I'm going to have much time to slack, but anyway I'll still have more time than usual without having to go for lectures and stuff. I just need to prevent myself from procrastinating and start on the three essays, one assignment, and ideas for next term's huge assignment. All of which (except the last) are due on the first day of term.

On the third day back will be the BIG DAY for me when I play for two singers' assessed performances. Currently not too worried about this because both singers are very consistent in the way they interpret their pieces so I know they won't spring a big surprise on me by making huge changes on the day. And without them here during the holidays I can't do much except make sure my part is ok.

I'll be working more during the holidays too, but in the day at the cafe. Some of the staff are going to have breaks/holidays so the restaurant staff are going to help out. The restaurant will be closed for three weeks while the boss and his family goes back to Japan. I'm just a tad worried because apparently the majority of cafe customers are old people with very strong accents. Hope I understand them. And I'll be working with the miss-experienced, who has switched from a night-time to day-time staff for some time already. Even the boss admits that both she and the other cafe staff have 'very strong character'. My tolerance level is very high and I can always seem unaffected, but I'm just not that keen on feeling low/stupid working every day with her. We shall see...

I'm a defective reject

So. I've been dumped by one of the singers for a professional.

Oh well. What can I say. She said her teacher wants her to use a professional. I think both doubted my ability to learn the part by January.

Just as well. Hers are the ones out of the three singers' pieces that I'm still not able to play properly. Giving allowance for my receiving her pieces the latest, they are still not decently played by now. Which kinda shows my inability... though I still think to myself that it's only because I haven't practised her pieces enough like I have the other two singers'.

That said, I must admit I haven't been able to connect with her pieces because I don't like them as well as the accompaniment parts she has given me. I suspect they are not very good reductions because they are not idiomatic at all for my instrument. This, in contrast to the other two singers' pieces, which I love... and which include the whole gamut of emotions, some of which are so heart wrenching-ly brought out by the singer that my heart was really aching as we practised!

I'm also guilty for ditching her an hour and a half before I was supposed to attend her lesson today. But I already did that last week, and I wasn't up to showing up to play so badly when I think she'd probably get more out of the lesson without me being cumbersome. Felt a little guilty, but somehow liberated because it meant I didn't have to be late for work again.

And speaking about work, tomorrow I will be meeting him and another chef for some shopping and jalan jalan in the city centre before work. Yay!

Some ways to (slightly) lower living costs

1. Switch the heater to timer mode
Only use heating from 5pm to 12 midnight and 5am to 9am. This saves a lot of spending on gas. This actually started out in my head as a rant about how cold my house is, but I know it's also saving me quite a lot.

2. Walk
Walk to anywhere manageable (e.g. average maximum distance of an hour on foot). I used to do this all the time last year, but being rather short of time this year, I'd rather pay to take the train and save some of my precious time.

3. Buy groceries from 'cheap places'
Some places have lower prices, especially if buying in bulk. And if it's too far to carry too heavy a load home, over here we have the 'family saver' thing for bus fares where three to five people can get together and pay less for their bus fares.

4. Only buy snacks when needed
I only buy snacks when I feel like snacking, as opposed to last year when every trip I made to buy groceries included the compulsory buying of snacks. It not only adds to grocery spendings, it also means I eat more. But I guess it doesn't really help a lot when I feel like snacking all the time anyway.

5. Find a job
Part-time jobs are great. The only drawback is having to manage my time well so that I don't neglect school work. Which is not a big problem for me I guess, since even if I wasn't working I'd be slacking instead of doing work. So why not spend the slacking time earning some cash and then really stressing myself out thinking there's no way I'll ever finish the school work on time? Non-clerical/office jobs are also good fat-burners, especially jobs like store assistants, waitressing, cooking, cleaning etc.

6. Try not to splurge
Very common sense. I haven't bought a single piece of clothing since I came here this year. Neither have I eaten at any fast-food places which are so tempting and mouth-watering each time I walk past them. My stomach always starts churning and I think I'd be salivating if not for fear of looking disgusting in public, but I convince myself that I could whip up a tasty, healthier meal at home for half the price anyway. But I've been out for dinner with a few friends a couple of times at some chinese restaurants, although each time I try to spend less than ten pounds (which is quite reasonable compared to if I ate out very often with friends in Singapore).

But oh! I'm so going to splurge on Boxing Day! I can't wait for Boxing Day sales... ooh I want a new pair of jeans. Some sweaters, a jacket (maybe?), things I can wear in spring, things I can wear in summer... I can't wait. I'm starting to save up now, keeping my salary safe and using as little of it as I can. It would be better still if I got to spend the day with him, even just as a friend. The act of him asking if I wanted to go to the sales together, when we were getting ready for work and casually chatting about the sales, shows that at the very least he cares (as a friend). Right? I think I'm thinking too much... *blush* am I too love-deprived or what?!

I should just keep my mouth shut

I was early for a lesson on Tuesday, resulting in the lecturer and I being alone in the room. After I had set up the chairs and stuff for the lesson and while we were waiting for the others to arrive, she was trying to make polite conversation (I think) by commenting that I had been doing a good job in the module so far. As usual, I didn't know how to react and just smiled and said thank you. Then, I just had to be stupid; I added that I preferred my third assignment and didn't really like the second assignment.

She started frowning and I quickly tried to explain that it wasn't the 'topic' given to us that I didn't like, just that I thought my ideas weren't good and didn't really work for that assignment (another stupid remark). She must have been extremely puzzled that I was actually putting down my assignment in front of someone who was grading it, and started explaining that the point of the different 'topics' in the module was to challenge us to adapt our styles to accomodate others or materials/ideas that are different instead of writing in our own styles all the time. Nothing more was said about the matter because the classmates started arriving.

Maybe she must have been regretting the grade she gave me for my second assignment; after hearing me put down my own work like that, she could have gotten away with giving me a lower grade afterall. I got my assignment back from the office yesterday; she had given me a mid first class. Feeling both honoured and pressured to create even better assignments. Especially for the one due at the start of next term.

Tired

As if it's not enough to have busy schedules on Mondays and Tuesdays, the last two days have been two busy days rushing about from one place/thing to another. And then to round up, both days I had to take a cab to work.

The last thing I had on Wednesday was supposed to end at 4.15pm but we ran a little over time and then I walked home before calling a taxi because there was no way for a cab to get out of the uni except join in the massive traffic jam, whereas the road from my house going towards my work place is relatively empty. I think that was a major mistake, I should have just called a taxi from uni and hoped the taxi driver could find some other road to travel by, since by the time we finished I only had ten minutes left to get to work. I was half an hour late and the chef wasn't too happy that I informed him so late.

On Thursday I finished at 5.30pm in town, and by some coincidence the same taxi driver picked me up. He was really pleasant to chat with and avoided the roads with the major traffic jams so I managed to be 'on time' for work, at 6pm which was previously agreed on between the chef and I when I told him I won't be able to make it for 5pm.

And now I'm sitting at home wondering whether to go to uni, because I was supposed to attend a rehearsal to play for a group of singers today since GH said she couldn't make it. But because I'm such a scatterbrain and due to the busy week, I can't remember what time the rehearsal is. Last night, being exhausted from the tight schedule, I collapsed onto bed without setting the alarm clock. Woke up at 10am and panicked. Something tells me the rehearsal will either be from 10-12, or 12-2, or 2-4. One of them. But 12-2 might not be right cos usually there will be a lunchtime concert during this time, so we can't use the stage.

I wouldn't mind going to uni later for rehearsal, but if the rehearsal was really from 10-12, then I'd rather not show my face in school. Just so I can pull off a stupid excuse like 'I was sick' etc. Yea I know, how irresponsible of me! But from the start of the rehearsals I've never missed a single one whereas both GH and the other player have sporadically not gone for a rehearsal or two. I don't think it's too much that I just miss one (although I had agreed with GH that I'd go), and I doubt they can't continue rehearsals without me there either. SMS-ed GH at 10am to ask her for the time but she didn't reply. Argh she can be so uncontactable sometimes!

Bleeding...

I'm crazy.

It started as an admiration for his good looks last year.
I was ambivalent when I found out he had a girlfriend.

But unknowingly and subconsciously it has grown into a serious infatuation by now.
And my heart broke when I found out he currently has a girlfriend.

We have probably spoken less than ten sentences to each other. It was stupid. All in my mind. I knew it was impossible.
Why does my heart feels like it's torn to pieces?

Happy

Got my pay for last week!

It's so exhilarating to convert from pounds to sing dollars and wow, I earn so much from working 22 hours! And then the balloon will burst when I spend money on grocery, bills and stuff cos I pay so much too. Dang.

He didn't add in the Thursday I worked two weeks before 22nd November, but fair enough, they did only ask me to 'come down and give it a try' for that Thursday.

I also didn't realise that tips would actually be added to our wages. Because the waitresses are told to put the extra change and tips into the till and to write down on the receipt the amount tipped, so all along I thought the tips just goes to the boss. I actually thought it's a good idea, cos on days when there are two waitresses working, it would be quite unfair really if the tips went to anyone who gave the customers bills and collected the money. Then both waitresses will be fighting to serve customers who are asking for the bill and not attending to the rest instead, right?

I don't care much for the tips but I must admit it was really a pleasant surprise to see that it was included in my pay. It shows the boss' appreciation for our work. Which he also tells us, like yesterday when he told me that I was doing well and I don't seem to panic even though it was crazy yesterday, with all the tables filled by big groups of people who wanted to be attended to at the same time. And I was working alone. It's good to know that my hard work didn't go unnoticed but at the same time I haven't yet managed to accept praise easily. Every time someone praises me, I'll feel really sheepish and not know what to say. I feel too proud if I just accept the praise and thank the person, yet I feel like I'm faking humble if I mumble something about not being good enough. So yesterday I just compromised with lots of sheepish thank you's. *Blush*

Hmm, and now I'm wondering if the chefs get any tips? If they don't, then it's quite sad to work in the kitchen. All that cooking and rushing of orders and no tips? But then again, they don't have to attend to the tables. Each has its pros and cons I guess.

Crazy day

I should have slept tried to sleep more rather than drag myself out of bed so early in a bid to start my day early by practising early in the morning. Because just minutes after I got into the practice block, the technicians decided to test the fire alarm. Which was fine by me, but somehow something was wrong and they had absolutely no way to reset the alarm, which was just ringing non-stop and beginning to make weird noises in my head. This went on for two hours.

Two hours! Two hours I could have lazed around spent productively by trying to read up more for the presentation next Thursday. But whatever, an early start to the day usually never fails to make me slightly more cheerful at the very least.

So I only got an hour of practice in when it could have been three. I decided to cut myself some slack as well, joining GO for lunch. What could be compared to spending just that one hour of my day catching up with a fellow Singaporean that I haven't talked to, or seen for that matter, since a few weeks after we came here for our second year?

To be fair, the day turned out to be alright. The highlight of the day was getting home after work to find all the housemates sitting around in the kitchen laughing their heads off at stupid little things, then proceeding to join in the laughter myself. They also saved me a piece a cake, bless their souls. Oh I'm so going to miss YR when he moves out. There can be nobody humourous enough to replace this house's chief harbinger of rolling-on-the-floor-tears-streaming-out-of-eyes laughter. Although NH's infectious and funny laughter comes in at a close second.

Now I'm going to catch some sleep before I start complaining about not getting any again.

Tossing and turning

This is bad... had a relatively sleepless night. It would already have been bad enough to have 4.5 hours of sleep from 1.30am to 6am, but it's now worse that I spent a large part of this time awake.

It might have been the adrenaline still running its course after I got back from work, but although it does keep me sleepless for a while most work nights, I will eventually still knock out.

Maybe a fatal combination was activated when I accepted that cup of coffee from NH when I got back? Coffee used to have no effects on me whatsoever back in secondary school and junior college days cos I drank too much of it. But after I cut down on my caffeine intake it's now effective for me again. Hmm, but I still managed to fall asleep pretty quickly the last few times I had coffee that late at night.

Maybe it is a lethal combination afterall. I shouldn't have drunk that coffee! But then if I didn't I probably wouldn't have been able to keep awake enough to have written out 5.5 pages of notes for a seminar presentation next Thursday, within 2 hours. It's quite frustrating when I realised all this time I was awake while trying to sleep could have been spent on more productive activities. But on the other hand, I didn't want to keep myself awake doing something cos the point was to let the brain and body relax enough so that I'll be able to fall asleep, right?

Hope I will survive today... more coffee, perhaps?

On hindsight, I guess I am quite glad that the classmate whom I promised to accompany for her performance today informed me on Monday that she had been ill and has decided not to sing. I was disappointed cos I spent Sunday learning the hardest piece with the speed changes, figures and bass line. And at the end of the day I was so proud of myself for doing a good job, being responsible enough to learn the music in such a tight schedule so that I won't screw up during her performance. But I guess now that I didn't have much sleep, it probably would have been quite hard to pull off a good performance if she were still doing it.

And I'm glad I took the courageous move of agreeing to accompany another singer last Wednesday, cos this sort of thing works best by reputation and word-of-mouth, so this Monday yet another singer sms-ed me to ask if I could play for her too. Great opportunities, especially since these two singers are really responsible to look for their accompanists this early. I just hope I won't be too stressed when the time comes.

Ok, enough rambling, off to get my coffee.

Muahaha all bow down before me!

Right now I am seriously lacking the drive to blog. Slightly exhausted from working four nights in a row and trying very hard to catch up with school work on Sunday. Glad it's Wednesday though, had a nice sleep-in this morning. Now the quiz takes over:

You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hehehe this decidedly so not me. Other than the fact that I do like to decorate things and create stuff.

Right. Going to drag my lazy bottom out of bed to make myself some hot 'dinner' before I drag myself to work.

Not only Singaporeans complain

The Helsinki Complaints Choir. And click here to watch the amateurish Complaints Choir of Birmingham. Cringed at their out of tune moments but somehow it adds a very 'layman' feel to it.

Anyway, random daily update on work:

Feeling so shiok now sitting on my bed with my legs on the chair. Ah....

But work today wasn't too bad. The other waitress was the one who received training with me on Wednesday, and she's ok. Albeit just a little slackish sometimes. I don't really mind, as long as she doesn't slack the whole time. And I got to meet one of the students who works as a chef, but only on Saturdays, and who is a friend of a friend.

We had two big reservations - seven people (turned out to be eight) at seven, and six people (turned out to be seven) at eight. And other people who just came in. All the tables were filled.

Waitressing rants again

Had a killer time working alone on a Friday tonight. The customers started waiting outside the restaurant before our opening time, 7pm. Three tables at the same time! And one more shortly after. Ran out of menus to go around even... had to ask them to share. And just after I took orders from one of the tables, another guy came in.

Was kept on my toes all the time. I couldn't manage to serve the drinks and some starters/snacks fast enough. God. Argh. And I really wanted to slow down taking the orders, but they all were so quick to decide what to get! But fortunately most of them were really understanding and forgiving, seeing as I was the only waitress serving five tables at the same time.

Plus it's really irritating to prepare the drinks cos in order to get the the space I'm allocated to, I need to squeeze past the chefs. And then, I need to get the drinks past them to serve. Or if some customer signals to me halfway while I'm preparing some drinks, I really don't know whether to just acknowledge them and continue preparing, or to attend to them first!

Only one of the tables, the guy who came alone, was impatient. He was the last of this batch of people to come in, but even when some others haven't been served their food, he was already asking me how long more it was going to take. Tried to explain to him that there were customers before him and it might be a wait, but he cheekily argued, 'But you can serve me first.' Luckily the head chef has good foresight, when he saw that the order was just one main dish and a drink he tried to prepare it relatively quicker, no matter if it was ready before some of the others' dishes.

On the bright side though, since the bulk of the customers came in so early, we got to close earlier too when all the customers left by 10pm.

I think it's back to two waitresses tomorrow. And boy am I glad... even if it's that miss-experienced helping out.

I'm still alive

I survived working alone yesterday! Woohoo...

But it wasn't very busy so it was manageable. There was a new chef as well, she's quite ok, just that she gets a bit sullen after 8pm cos I think normally on week nights she's used to sleeping early, like about 8 plus. That's really early!!!

But one of the older chefs said he'll be quiting in January. No more favourite trio of chefs.

I like the job.

1. The head chef is humourous and won't get really angry unless it's something very serious.
2. The other students working there as chefs or waitresses are friendly.
3. The customers are usually not too demanding unless it's really busy.
4. I get my exercise by standing and walking from 5pm to about 10 or 11pm. And washing the heavy yakitori grill. (Yes my legs are aching after only working two days in a row.)
5. It's quite near my house, about 20-30 minutes' walk away, and either the head chef or one of the other chefs will drive us home after work.

Was so tired last night that I knocked out at 1am in the morning and slept till 10am. That was after taking a nice hot shower, having something to eat with NH, then chatting a while when YR and his girlfriend came home. As for tonight... I hope against hope it won't be too busy even though it's Friday.

Food outing and job woes

Glad it's 'weekend' again. I was going to work very hard practising on next Thursday's performance pieces today. In fact, the rehearsal on Tuesday went quite well. Two of the pieces were quite straightforward so they were good. I just have to work harder on the third piece, which has speed changes almost every two bars and in which I only have the figures and bass part.

But, due to lots of disturbances from my housemates last night... 'Wheres the basket?'... 'NH!'... and other variations or noises I can't remember. I can only remember being woken up by all the noise, looking at the time, feeling really pissed, then going back to sleep. Only to be woken up again. Argh. So I didn't brace myself and crawl out of my warm bed into the cold room when my alarm rang at six this morning. I slept till it was TEN. What a pig...

When I finally dragged myself out of bed, the whole house was silent... all sleeping, of course... hahaha retribution for disturbing me last night was that both NH and YR missed their two lectures today. Hmph. I decided that since it was already so late and I have to go to work at about 4.30pm, I might as well not go to school to practice. This decision was made with lots of aid from the fact that NH and some of the Singaporeans were going for a conveyor belt sushi buffet. And it was practice, or sushi.

The types of sushi were really little, but it's still good after not eating sushi for so long. And I declare that their egg sushi passed my test! Most of the time in Singapore I wouldn't even touch any egg sushi cos most I've ever given a chance and eaten tasted disgusting. I don't know why I don't like them, I just didn't... this is coming from someone who's a I-eat-anything garbage bin.

Work was ok, but a little... I dunno... spirit dampening? Cos the really cheerful and willing-to-teach girl I was learning from the first time I worked has gone back to her country now. And the person who was teaching me and another waitress today was really... slightly unpleasantly full of herself. And to add to that, it was a really busy night although Wednesdays are supposed to be quieter. Maybe it's because the restaurant had been closed for two weeks following the chef's operation.

My major mistake was to serve a dish meant for customer a to customer b, since the dish itself was ordered by both, but for customer a it was as an addition to his main course and for customer b it was as his starter. So I wrongly assumed the dish was for customer b, and when customer a's main course was ready I was waiting for the dish to be ready so that both will be served together, but miss-experienced yelled at me to 'Serve it now!' And so I did.

It was only after I did, that it hit me. I realised that the dish I just served to customer b might have been meant by the chefs for customer a! When the realisation hit me, it was like, oh my god! But the chef wasn't too angry (luckily), although miss-experienced was really pissed. She was like, 'Why did you do that?' And even after I explained that it was my mistake and apologised, she said in an accusatory tone, 'then you'll be the one to go and explain to the customer why he will have to wait for his dish.' As if I was going to push the blame to her and make her do the apologising to the customer. Eurgh. I will apologise to everyone when I make a mistake, but I just can't stand it when someone assumes I am not going to do it.

Anyway... today's just supposed to be my 'training day'... not sure if anyone else will be there tomorrow to help/teach me or if I'll just be thrown into the deep end on my third day at work. But I think I'll manage... or hopefully I'll manage... as long as the chefs working tomorrow are the same as today's. The two other students and the boss of the shop, they are the best trio of chefs to work with man. Can handle the pressure of lots of waiting customers well. But I think I'll still have to learn more on how to pretend to slack a bit and not take the customers' orders too quickly, so that the chefs will have enough time to cook. Heard two people got fired cos they took orders too fast on a Saturday night, which is when it's the busiest and the chefs can't handle cooking everything so quickly :/ I will try my best anyway. Jobs are hard to find, I must keep this one! Gambatte!

The one thing that probably cheered me up a bit today was when another person messaged me to ask if I can play for her performance in January. I was deliberating whether to accept cos I'm real scared I will screw up. But, heck, if I don't dare to accept it and challenge myself, I'll be wasting all these excellent opportunities. And of course, the more people you play for, the more other people will ask you to play for them (assuming you don't screw up). Oh yes, I like this person already, because I replied that if she passes me the score before Christmas holidays and we get enough time to rehearse with each other, I'll do it. And she immediately replied that she'll put the scores in my pigeon hole tomorrow! Efficient, and responsible enough to find someone to play for her in advance.

Starting to feel the pressure

I finally finished my essay at nearly 10pm, despite working on it all day. And even now I'm still doubting what I actually wrote about the construction of the piece. Not a good feeling. Well, there's nothing more I can do now except keep reading it to check for any errors. I think a first class is going to be out of my league but I really hope I can at least get a IIi, though anything IIii and above will be accepted with a sigh of relief. I'll just feel a bit 不服 if this module pulls down my overall grade. Hopefully it won't...

It's just like uni to have all the deadlines and important events happening within the same time frame. Submit essay on Monday, submit assignment on Tuesday, and play for someone's performance next Thursday. It's also just like me to have been slacking all this while until everything crashes down on me. Then only do I start to panic and slog like a slave.

It comes as no surprise then, that I haven't finished the assignment due Tuesday, haven't practised for a practical lesson tomorrow, haven't practised for a rehearsal on Tuesday with the person I'm playing for, haven't practised for another practical lesson on coming Thursday, and most importantly, don't think I'm going to be ready for the actual performance next Thursday.

It's one thing to screw up for your own performance and another to screw up while playing for someone else's... the latter shows that you are 100% irresponsible for accepting a performance you're not capable of doing, and will definitely decrease your chances of playing for anyone else, especially if they heard you at the performance, by 100%. I'm wondering if I shouldn't have agreed to play... given that it was quite short notice and she only gave me the score last Thursday as well. That's two weeks before the performance! But I guess I'm in no position to complain, if I agreed I'm expected to be able to learn the pieces well and do it quick, right?

Looks like it's going to be a long week and a half ahead...

This guy's already taken

Aw, housemate NH is such a sweet guy! He just came to give me his free chocolates that he got today. He went with some of the Singaporeans to the place this city is known for, no prizes for guessing where... while anti-social mugger busy me stayed at home all day writing my essay.

If I had free chocolates I wouldn't give them away. His girlfriend is one lucky girl indeed! Don't think I'm so easily bribed that I will start thinking he's a nice guy just because he gave me chocolates though, he's been a very caring housemate, always looking out for me and stuff. He was really concerned about my mouldy problem, and hasn't been chasing me for the money I still owe him for buying some stuff for the house, bills etc from a long time ago, just because I told him (as a passing remark) that I only had enough money in my bank to pay the rents for the rest of the ten months and if I keep withdrawing from the account I'm going to be in trouble. That was about a month ago... and up till now, even after I've found a job, he still hasn't told me how much I owe him.

The best thing about NH is, he's a good listener. Not that I'm a good talker, or have lots to say, but he is genuinely concerned and really listens when he asks about my day. It's nice sometimes (like when I have a crazy impossible essay like this), to have someone ask, 'Hey, how's it going?' and empathising when you say you don't even know where or how to start. And in turn I empathise with him and YR when they are rushing to complete their weekly assignments.

And he's equally concerned about all his friends, always willing to go the extra mile to help or even just lend a listening ear. Maybe it's because he's like a brother (eight years older than me), sometimes I feel so cared for I go crazy and start daydreaming. If only he wasn't taken already... Anyway, glad to have such a great friend and housemate!

Ok, enough daydreaming and babbling... back to my essay now. I'm aiming to finish it by Sunday morning. Oh, is it Sunday already? Er, well, I'll just get back to work.

The craving strikes

Whilst doing work this morning I was feeling very cold, and I had a sudden craving for congee. So it was that I boiled a pot of rice and water and left it to simmer from about 1pm until I had dinner at 7 plus in the evening. I was really surprised that my skills of agar-ation was that good; I poured the rice into the pot completely by random! And water is of course variable, I added more water sometimes when it started to get less at around 3pm and it was too early to eat.

Hmm, of course, in my dictionary there's no such thing as 'too early to eat', and to be honest I couldn't wait to devour all that congee. But the consistency wasn't what I really wanted anyway, so I decided to be patient. And it paid off. Nothing like a piping hot, hearty bowl of congee with a generous helping of sesame oil on a cold day! It was surely worth all the wait, the occasional stirring, and it was even worth cleaning out the sticky pot in the end. Yum... should have cooked more... I need food right now!

It's funny how most of my food cravings are for the simple, home-cooked things and seldom what other Singaporeans here will crave. Like, they will crave char kuey teow, laksa, etc... although these can also be cooked at home, but I usually crave for simpler stuff. Like congee. Soup. Oh no, I'm thinking of fried bee hoon now... lucky there's no bee hoon in my cupboard, or I think I just might go down to the kitchen and fry some.

Just have to control myself now... and anyway I don't want to gain too much weight like last winter :(

Bliss is...

having 'breakfast' at 9pm. Sausages, scrambled eggs, buttered bread and strong, black coffee straight out of the coffee maker... *contented sigh*

Was cooking my dinner when housemate NH came into the kitchen to make his Mexican coffee and offered to make me some too. Mmmm... aromatic! Although it was too sweet, it reminded me of the coffee my grandma makes. When I was young I loved to dip 'soda biscuits' into her coffee.

I'm glad I don't have to work this week (the chef/boss is still recovering from his operation), the time is just right for when I need to rush to meet the essay and assignment deadlines next Monday and Tuesday respectively. Right, back to work!

Mouldy room and random additional cookie ingredient

My room is now mould free! Someone came yesterday and according to housemate NH, he bleached it. I'm not sure if he painted over, cos I can still see some marks. But anyway, it's a much better improvement.

Before:



















After:











The other day when I was being a pig munching a whole roll of Hob Nobs by myself, I came across this:











Needless to say, it turned me off the rest of the cookies for some time. Urgh. Luckily I looked before stuffing it into my mouth :/

TGIW

My one day weekend is here! Because of my Monday- and Tuesday-heavy timetable, Wednesdays (when I don't have lessons) always feels like my weekend to me. And Thursdays are the start of a new week again, since I'm usually working on assignments and stuff throughout the real weekend although I don't have lessons from Friday onwards.

I'm usually brain-fried by the end of Tuesday, and yesterday was no different. Try practicing for two hours, then having a two-hour lecture, practice for another two hours, have another two-hour lecture, then playing in a two-hour rehearsal. Even though I really wanted to start on that essay due next week, I couldn't take it and knocked out at ten. Yet I couldn't even wake up at six thirty this morning.

I was also very disappointed when I got home from the long day in school, because I was expecting my room to be free from mould since my landlord called yesterday morning to inform me someone would come to clean my room on the day itself. I don't understand why he bothered to inform me if in the end the person wasn't going to come. Or, I don't understand why it takes whoever it is so long to come and get the job done.

Another disappointment is that one of the housemates, YR, is going to move out in January. 'I'm so devastated', as TU put it. But we all wish YR all the best with his girlfriend, or maybe wife-to-be by then. Yet this puts me in the very interesting position of having the option to move into his room, if I want to, to escape from the mould in my room (but hopefully it'll be cleared by then). And now the task of looking for a new housemate starts.

Biggest divorce of the year

I'm really happy that this year, I only have one module in common with GH. Because of this, I interact more with other UK students / other UK students interact more with me. Whichever way round.

GH has been a school mate of mine since we were 13, but we have only ever been in the same class for two years. Except for one subject (the one we're studying now in uni), in which all its students from different classes come together for lessons. The first two years I knew her, I hardly knew her at all. The next two years we knew each other a little better, and the next two years we knew each other even better since the number of students taking this subject were few in junior college.

And I got to know GH quite well last year, since we were practically together most of the time. Although we had only two modules in common, we had quite similar timetables and we were staying on the same accomodation site. It was great to have someone from your country (someone whom you've known for six years too!) going to the same uni, and doing the same course as you. There's company when we slacked around, had more-than-and-hour-long dinners (food preparation took longer with two cooks than with one), and it was great when we supported each other through the hectic last-minute rushes to finish our essays and assignments.

But the downside of it was that since we were so often in the company of each other, we seldom interacted with the rest of the students in our course. When I was on my own of course I did have short conversations with certain people, but not much anyway. Or at the very least, I think by the end of this term I'd have spoken up enough to be on par with how much I actually did last year. Questions put forth by professors are not taken into consideration, though I've been questioned much more this year actually.

Maybe it's because I'm beginning to get to know people by playing in a module, which I'm not taking but participating unaccessed. Or maybe I've changed somewhat after the summer holidays back in Singapore, working? I mean, I've worked before this, but somehow this summer's experience was different. It was not particularly as exciting as some previous jobs, but the people were rather more engaging and I started to gain experience in maintaining a conversation with people. Yes, I think I was that bad, I am quite aware that I only spoke up if anyone specifically directed a question or statement or whatever towards me.

Or maybe I've just matured a little more since the past year. Guess I'm a bit of a late bloomer, but I realised that this year I've been able to sometimes strike up conversations without feeling awkward or stupid for asking stupid questions as a way to do it.

I've seen very little of GH this year, except during the module we have in common, a rehearsal in which we both participate, and occasionally bumping into each other in school. This year, I'm staying with four housemates in rented accommodation (cheaper rent), whilst GH is staying in the uni's accommodation. Someone has told me this is the biggest divorce of the year. That's the extent to which some people have thought of us, as twins, as a couple even. GH has her own reasons for staying on in uni accommodation, some of which I don't know and some of which I know. I don't think her worries are unfounded, but I still think staying in rented accommodation is not such a hassle and fuss as HS has made it out to be. To each her own I guess, GH seems to believe and trust that HS is always right, but I'm willing to give rented accommodation a try.

It's been decent enough so far, other than having to put up with the loneliness of seeing two of the housemates bringing their girlfriends home and hearing another singing to his girlfriend over the internet (aw, so sweet). Oh, and having mould growing in a corner of my room, waiting for a week for whoever-is-supposed-to-come-take-care-of-it, calling the landlord, and being told that they will come this week. We shall see. But all this is another story for another time. Got to get more sleep to make up for last night, and also to pull me through a long tiring Tuesday tomorrow, as always.

A Hard Day's Night

Whew, I've finally finished half of my third assignment for one of my modules, due in full in a week's time but due in draft form for coming Tuesday's reading session. For most of the class, it's a norm to send other classmates the assignment at least a day before so they can have time to look through it before playing during the reading sessions. And it's a must to send a copy to the assistant lecturer, who conducts the reading sessions, one day in advance as well. Hence the rush to finish by tonight.

I've just sent it to the people who'll help play my assignment but I think I'll rather send it to the assistant lecturer tomorrow morning, I don't want him to think I'm such a last-minute worker that I have to work past twelve midnight to get my work done! Although it's the lecturer who grades the assignments, you never know...

I certainly thrive under pressure. Give me an assignment like this and I'll claim to have no inspiration or ideas to start, but come one or two days before the deadline and somehow the sparks start flying due to the miraculous forces of time constraint.

Hmm... that reminds me of a major essay for another module due next week, just a wee twenty four hours before the above-mentioned assignment. And, no prizes for guessing this: I haven't started. I've borrowed a few books to help me along but haven't read them at all, other than little fragments here and there (and also a little in aid of above-mentioned assignment). I don't think I'll be able to finish reading them before writing the essay and I guess I'll just have to find my way as I go along. *fingers crossed*

It's cringe-worthy to note that a week ago, I actually promised myself that I'd start on those books. I did, but I lost track of the authors train of thought somewhere after the second page because of the sheer technicality of these books' subjects. So I gave up and just listened to the subject of the essay, twice, thought to myself oh luckily it doesn't sound too awful, and conveniently left it somewhere in the pile of papers on my desk. Maybe I somehow thought if it doesn't sound too awful I would be able to cope with taking it apart and writing about its construction process. But all these processes are quite new to me, and now I'm starting to worry.

To cheer myself up a bit on this gloomy, moody, restless and full-of-work day, I decided to cook something homely for dinner. Had some sort of herbal soup that I've never seen in Singapore but my Hong Kong friend introduced me to at a chinese supermarket here. It's bamboo with some kind of dunno-what-that-is thing, and dried carrots. Each time I cook about a quarter of the packet and it yields two bowls, so it's quite worth the money I guess. I was told that it's nice cooked with real carrots (there are only a few slices of dried carrots in each packet), so that's about the only way I know how to cook this soup. Other than occasionally adding a chicken drumstick when I buy any.

And the ultimate homely food in the picture is vermicilli, cooked with garlic and lots of chili. My mum used to (I think she probably still does) cook this with prawns in a claypot. Ever since I bought the vermicilli I've been thinking of cooking this but always put it off when I come home late on most weekdays (excuses, excuses). Not sure if this is what my mum used to do, I think it's close cos it tasted like hers except without the taste of prawn.

So I guess it's just: fry the garlic, chili padi, and sambal oeleck sauce nicked from a housemate's cupboard (he did previously tell me I could use it!), then add the already soaked-in-water vermicilli for a quick stir-fry before adding some water and soy sauce. Actually I have a feeling that the soy sauce wasn't needed, maybe it's only needed if I didn't use any chili sauce but just the chili padi. And then, just let the vermicilli soak up all the flavours (ok, one flavour, hot!), and while the water dries up the vermicilli will start to become browned and fragrant and delicious. I'm salivating thinking about it now.

Being the pig that I am, I became hungry again once I started work after dinner and I consumed three cereal bars, which were meant to be the next few days' breakfast, or lunch, depending on my mood. (Ah, and did I mention eating a family bar of cadbury's chocolate yesterday evening?) Haha the perils of doing work... my foot. Someone just told me today that I gained weight. Oh I don't think I want to get started on that. Got to get some sleep anyway, need to have an early start tomorrow, what with having left my practical skills to rot for the past week.

I'm sorry

I woke up really grouchy this morning, thinking of the amount of work I put off yesterday and how I'm going to pay for my procrastination.

So during the webcam session with the family back in Singapore, I was really sullen, only answering when questioned, and even then most of it were one-word answers. The bulk of the session took place in silence, with me having nothing to say and not bothering to rack my brains, the family wondering what to say at my sudden sulky attitude this morning. In fact, most webcam sessions with the family are generally a re-asking and re-answering of the same few questions, the family updating me on any note-worthy event that happened back home (among relatives, I mean, not news and stuff which I can read on the internet). However, the moody me made no effort whatsoever to participate in the conversation (or non-conversation) this morning.

Towards the end of the session, when the family realised they weren't going to get much out of me, it struck me. Guilt at having treated them to this torture. It wasn't their fault that I woke up grumpy this morning, and they only get to talk to me once a week. The least I could do was to make an effort to be nice. I'm not even talking about acting cheerful, happy, or whatever, no, that would come out absolutely fake. In any case, I've never really been cheerful during any session, with the exception of smiling occasionally. But just to be pleasant. I don't think it's too much to ask for.

I was feeling so disappointed with myself and tears were starting to well up in my eyes, but there was no way I was going to let them see me cry. They've probably only seen me cry less than five times (with the exclusion of baby and little-kid times) in the whole of my twenty years, and if they saw me cry this morning I think they'd have cause to be extremely alarmed. Fortunately they were about to end the session and I managed to smile and wave into the webcam before the tears started rolling down my cheeks once they had ended the video conversation.

I've always disliked the idea of having to webcam once a week because it's really just repetitive ritual of talking about the same things over and over again. I've always found it a waste of time. But at the same time I understand that all my parents want is to assure themselves I'm fine, I'm coping well by myself, to show their concern for me and this is one way they can do it. By talking to me every week, even if it's just the same few questions every time.

Now I'm regretting it and feeling so sorry for my attitude this morning...

Why I started this blog

Despite already having a blog, I decided to start a new, and (hopefully) anonymous one. The simple reason for doing this is that it is quite frustrating having to hold my tongue (or, in this case, fingers) when I really feel like bitching about people but know I can't because they'll probably be reading my blog. While I may feel disappointed with their behaviours and characters, I am definitely not looking to make any enemies. As such, I'll very much rather remain friendly towards these people (and at times, they can be pleasant company if they chose to) while keeping any rantings against them confined within this blog.

Also, I'd rather not let on about certain details of my life since these people have the tendency to spread the word quickly and in the process, often stretch the truth a bit too much. Generally, they have a superior complex and tend to bitch about anything anyone does because, to them, they are the only ones who do things right. To date, I don't think these people have actually been nasty towards me, but I don't think I want to wait around for them to start. Starting a new blog just because of a couple of irritating people might seem like a nuisance and all, but there are other reasons as well I guess.

Mostly, I'm quite a private person who doesn't talk about herself to anyone, not even to my closest friends or family members. It's just how I've always been. So what am I doing writing a blog open to anyone and everyone to read? If I'm just looking to rant and rave why not start a private diary, or talk to some object, pet, or to the empty room even? I'm not too sure about this myself either, but being the private person that I am, sometimes too many things go on in my head and I just need to air my thoughts and feelings. How ironic.

Blogging sort of gives me the platform to do this, to communicate with anyone who comes across this blog, without me feeling uncomfortable about letting someone into my thoughts. Well yes, by blogging I am doing this, but in a sense I'm not doing it either since the reader doesn't know who I am, and vice versa. Hmm, that's about it I guess, stay on and read my incessant ramblings if you like.